Fifty What?

A friend of mine said to me yesterday that the brain doesn't recognize our aging as quickly as the rest of our body does. Boy, that's true. My brain tells me I am still 25. My face in the mirror says, "Don't kid yourself baby!"

Here I am at about 32.

I'm just starting my prosecutorial career at the State Bar of California. I may look like I thought I had the world in my hand, but this was a height of anxiety and lack of confidence. Somehow, I managed. That's the nuns of Mount Saint Ursula for you. They taught you how not to "let them see you sweat". Even then, there was the proverbial cup of java in my hand. Standing next to me is Arthur Margolis, then my supervisor. I thought the world of him. He became a defense bar counsel. Still is today. Became a little harder to have a civil relationship. But I still think the world of him. Maybe because he's an animal lover too. The State Bar was smaller then; and I think more pleasant a place to work. But my time there ended a couple of years ago, a hit to my ego I'll tell you, but a blessing to my soul. Don't regret a minute of the time I spent there, though. And the people I still know I met there, when I was young, until I was well into middle age.

It seems only a minute ago that I threw myself a 50 party, in Malibu at Moonshadows, complete with rooms at the pre-restored Malibu Inn. It was lovely then, pre-Geffen restoration and hike in prices. And yet, it is nine years. I am on the cusp of sixty, oh my!

So, here I am in the bathroom, after a quick perusal of the visage.


Angles make a difference. And avoiding being too close to the camera. Make up is now essential. I have a feeling black and white would be better too. Oh, well. And in 2007, thank goodness you can't see it too well, I ended up with a three inch scar on my neck (an infected salivary gland had to be removed), but there is definitely a bit of a double chin. And all that frowning from being nearsighted? Well, I have this big wrinkle in between my eyes. Edging to two. I slather on various creams day and night, but let's face it. If anything happens, it'll be a placebo effect and I don't think that happens with wrinkles.

All in all though, I have no complaints. That is something new. My father would be happy to hear that, since he heard all my complaints, and they were legion, over the years. I never married. Never had kids. But I no longer look at that as some kind of failure or penalty.

As lives go, so far, I have had a good share of blessings. Glad I realized it. Hope I always do. It truly has become one day at a time for me. Each day a universe.