Sister Goldenhair and the Memories She Evokes

I was taking the short drive home from my Wednesday "job" as volunteer secretary at my parish. As I approached my block the soft rock station sequed into a favorite 1970s oldie of mine, "Sister Goldenhair" by America. Ahh, anything by America probably would have evoked the same wonderful sudden feeling I haven't had that much over the last years--a feeling of endless possibility. I felt as the 20 something I had been when I first spun an LP (gosh that seems positively antediluvian) at WFUV back in the Bronx from which I have long been an émigré.

 California Djinn

 

I never tended toward being particularly happy or optimistic as a child or late teen life--but that particular part of my life, the year or so of my college life, I felt for the first time free-ish of soul.
It had been a hard early part of the decade losing a mother with whom I had a rather difficult relationship--until she became ill and all the self-protecting walls finally came down. She was gone. I missed her but there had been a resolution by implication in how much she softened before she died.
It was as if she gave me permission finally to enjoy myself, something that had seemed unpermitted in earlier days.

It was at college and in college radio that I became so much less shy that people who know me today think it was never possible I ever had been quiet and afraid to show myself. I seriously considered diving into the low pay arena of trying to be an on air performer--even if it meant going to some low watt station in the middle of nowhere. I loved the experience of being in that low lit little room surrounded by equipment and turntables and cassettes. There were people who heard me in whatever show I was privileged to do who called me, and wrote to me, and sent me the odd book or album in appreciation of what they thought was my verbal and tonal skill. And then I got to meet so many of the people who became a cadre of friends till this day. And I began to talk of moving to this sun kissed state.

The possibility of coming here to California probably got me through the entirety of law school, which I did not enjoy, but which gave me an intellectual foundation which has stood me in good stead for over 30 years. And then the adventure began when for the very first time in my life I did not overanalyze the bad things that could happen if I did not succeed in my move--the California Bar and job seeking. 

I was 27 then, and more than half that time has passed since the adventure began.

I know, intellectually, that possibilities have narrowed, simply by virtue of those statistical realities of aging. BUT, in the moment, with the music playing from days long gone by, there was nothing that couldn't be achieved. And it was the best fleeting moment.

 The Wednesday parish secretary at rest on the church steps