A Wee Let Down

When you have been out and about in different territory, somewhat adventurous territory compared to one's everyday life, the hustle and bustle begins to seem like it will never end and there is a joy in that. While I was away, there was a lot to do and see, perhaps more than I could possibly manage in just ten days in two locales, one the pandemonium that is New York and the other the quietude of the oceanside in the South Shore of Massachusetts. And then, I came home, to the usual. At first, it was nice. Relaxing. Recouping. Catching up. And then.

Back to work today. The same problems big and small. The same debates. The same, well tiredness, after too many years trying to save a world that just doesn't want to be saved. It's not like I do it "pro bono". I get paid a decent salary. But the time away, seeing the bigger world thousands of miles away from my everyday, reminded me of the glory of possibility that returning to the same ole, same ole just eradicated, all in the space of one 7.25 hour day.

"What AM I doing here?" All this effort to get to management and what? So what? Pension. Check. Other benefits. Check. All done according to hoyle. Check. Not ungrateful. Check. But. . .the forever but. You know. The path not taken. The path too late to take. Choices that did not really seem like choices. But they must have been. And now? Ideas pop in and out of my mind. I even have a folder of those that can be reduced to application or description. And then the existential stuff, the stuff that no folder can contain. Perhaps no mind. Not mine, anyway.

Going away. Coming back. As if it never happened.