Reset and Go!

I had a good, long run at my career as an ethics prosecutor and manager. I was one of several veterans--and veterans we were at 21 to 25 years--to be severed from that at which we were, and are, very skilled. Still, I understood the dangers of being a long term manager (just about 10 years for me) in the midst of cyclical organizational renewal. I had survived before. This time I did not. We did not.
That's not to say I wasn't hurt. Naturally, I was. I am after all human.  And in the world in which I toiled I was ambitious enough to seek promotion and responsibility. To have that world removed from me, well, that cannot but help smack at the old ego. Happily, I have discovered that I, that we, were well regarded by many of our colleagues for our leadership and development of others. That has helped.  A lot.

It has only been a week. I probably have gone through the seven stages of grief in succession, and in overlap. And, my nature being what it is, I don't like to let grass grow under my feet. I have had an extended work life of meaning. I want whatever I do in the future to continue in that vein. So, I redid my resume. I see that my skills are very much transferable to other areas of the law, and otherwise..I am hoping that those seeing the resume, my various profiles, and, well, yes, this blog, will agree with me.

I am looking for something a bit less confrontational something more mediative and, meditative, if you will. And creative, if possible. I think I will know it when I see it. I will have that moment of physical and emotional breathing out.  A vocational "aha moment".

In the meantime, I am learning something very new to me. Living in the moment. This means indulging some hobbies that I suppose could turn into something more, but don't have to, like painting, and writing. And taking trips. I have people who have been clamoring for me to leave the five mile radius of my apartment. They are all over the country, even all over the world! And it means, yes, some extended time for spiritual discernment. It is very important to understand that I am not indispensable to the world, and live in a contented humility that seeks, as my friend Nancy always reminds me, "what is above". That is going to take, I think, the rest of my life.  So be it.

Today was a good day though. I was directed, but not obsessive. I was kind to myself, and others. I grew a little.