Waiting and Praying

This was a busy day at work. A meeting at nine. Another that spanned much of the afternoon. And, in between an appearance at a kind of settlement conference in which the judge runs from one party to the other encouraging agreement. After spending considerable time with me, the judge left me in my little windowless room for an extended period to cajole my legal counterpart.

I am impatient by nature. Given enough space, I pace. But this room was too tiny for that. I perused my file. I perused my confidential settlement statement and was pleased with its coherence. And then I had nothing to do but wait.

Then, I remembered. I picked up a few inexpensive handmade rosaries on Sunday, the availability of which coincided with the second visitation of the Pilgrimage Statue of Our Lady of Fatima to our parish. Our Lady, making her appearances to three children in Portugal in 1917, urged the daily saying of the rosary for the reparation of sin. I know. I know. Sin, schmin. Who believes in sin anymore? Well, speaking for myself, I do so the story of Fatima somehow resonated with me after the first visit of the statue and I began, haltingly then and now, to recite it, usually at night before I go to bed.

I happened to have one of the two that I bought for ready access in various locations in my pocket and, as I sat in that little room, I thought, "Well, I'll do a decade or two". Distraction is always my companion under the best of circumstances and I am amazed how I can be saying the Hail Mary and thinking about twelve other things. This, of course, is what I am to learn after enough repetitions, to focus only on the act of prayer and to think only of God in the stories of His great love of us.

My distraction on this occasion was the imminent return of the judge. But I managed a whole rosary, and even at some moments during it, the silence of the room buzzed and allowed me a brief true solitude that was unfettered and seemed to open the door to something safe, and exquisite. And eternal.

Back in the constraints of time, though, I think I settled the case!