We Are All Broken People

Just so you know, despite the title of this entry, and the substance to follow, I am not depressed. 


Been thinking a lot about the face each of us presents to the world, and the reality of that with which each of us copes, either physically or psychically, or both. How many times have you met someone, and to all intents and purposes, she (for purposes of this entry, I shall say "she" to avoid the annoying he/she in my sentences), seems the most together person you have ever met? She dresses "to the nines". She has this terrific job making oodles more money than ever you have or will and she always has advice aplenty for you on how to improve one or another thing about you. It has not failed, at least for me, except on the rarest of rare occasions, that once I got to know this paragon of apparent social competence, I was embroiled in a cascade of crises. My problems, which were barely manageable, were now mutliplied. But then, in for a penny in for a pound, and we try to help.

Years ago, probably on some greeting card, I read the statement, "A normal person is someone you don't know well yet."  Here's a verion of the card, I think.

Lately, everyone I hear about or deal with, once become more familiar to me, is in the throes of some self-imposed and/or externally imposed sturm und drang. She looks to family and friends to assist them, but when you come down to it, Uncle Harry and Aunt Martha turn out not to be the most sensible of solution finders, as they are about to lose their house because they haven't paid the mortage and ignored the past due notices, "hoping that something would turn up." Some people are able to maintain the facade better than others, but have a few more visits than the occasional dinner at a nice restaurant where everybody is selling an image of themselves, and suddenly that person of wisdom and authority seems more like a candidate for the local funny farm. Was it another person who was wise and helpful? Because this guy in front of me is delusional and is trying to convince me he is absolutely making sense.

I'd like to think that it is an epidemic just thrust upon us, but I have a feeling that it is just we are more aware of it given the instant nature of technology, which allows gossip to spread like a tsunami. 


Some years ago when I had illusions I might still avoid spinstershood and manage at least one child, I joined the Catholic Singles Network. I figured it would be nice not to have to worry about a harmony of faith, which always seems to get in the way of a couple AFTER they are married.  Most of the people I met were way too voluable about the Virgin Mary over drinks, and while I fancy myself a marginally good Catholic, I am between lapsed and charismatic, the two extremes I tend to meet or know. People know I am Catholic and I will talk about my faith when it is appropriate, but I rarely bring it up say, at the movies.  I met this interesting fellow in Culver City at some Starbuck's. It was all going fairly well until he told me 1. he had lied on his application for the Single's Network and wasn't Catholic at all, which would have been ok but 2. he had a criminal record for burglary. I think he had a weapon while he was at it. You can tell that things with my prior dates had not gone so well that I actually did not run screaming away. And it turns out the guy was well read and we got into quite the philosophical discussion. At the end, almost wistfuly, he said something I have never forgotten, "We are all broken people."   I sent him a book on contemplation by Thomas Merton, but I was rather glad he did not call again. I have never forgotten that. And have found it to be true, publically and privately--really, we are broken.  Some of us just creak along better than others. 

On the public front, think about all those gurus who tell the rest of us how to fix ourselves. I used to love listening to Dr. David Viscott giving advice on the radio. It was firm. It was clear. It was not just that he was giving good objective advice and practical gimmicks for living but he made it sound like it was something he was doing himself. And surely I could do what he did. Only he wasn't doing what he said I could do and should do. He died alone and it sounded like his life was a series of unending unresolved issues. Same thing with the man who wrote one of my favorite ever pop psychology and ethics books, "The Road Less Travelled".  While he was telling people to beware of the "People of the Lie" he himself was living a way less than authentic life. 

Do I have a point in all this? I don't know, maybe "take what everyone says to you with a grain of salt."
Or, "the advice may be good but don't overly admire the person giving it."  Or "me too, I am broken and I am just trying to find the right glue."   Maybe I am saying be gentle with yourself, and with others.  The guy or lady who looks like they got it all going on, they don't; we are all just trying to get through the day.